There’s nothing you’d rather be doing
May 24, 2009
Many years ago, I took a negotiations class as part of my MBA program. One nice Saturday morning at 9:00 am, the professor started class with the question, “How many of you would rather be somewhere else?”
Many people, including myself, raised their hands sheepishly, but were willing to play along. The professor asked a few of us to say where we would rather be. (I said home in bed. I did not have kids yet, and sleeping in was still an option.) He went around the room and collected responses on the whiteboard.
Then he told us we were all wrong! That if we would rather be somewhere else, then that is where we would be. Our priorities, preferences and motivations were reflected in our choice to get up and go to class that morning. If I would really rather be sleeping in, then I would still be in bed. But instead, my priority of learning how to negotiate, or my motivation to get a good grade in the class made me choose to set the alarm in the morning and drive an hour to get to the class in downtown Chicago. The fact that I was there proved that I would rather be in class than in bed sleeping. Whoa!
Ultimately, what we choose to do is a reflection of our real priorities, our actual preferences, and our true motivations. It’s not what we would rather do, or what is on our to-do list, or what we say we want.
Obviously, this lesson struck a chord, since I remember it 7 years later. Every now and then I remember that morning and ask myself: What does my current activity say about my priorities? Why is it that I choose to do this and not something else that might better reflect my values and goals? As you can imagine, this thought usually arises when I’m procrastinating or avoiding taking action or making a decision. Taking a look at how you spend your time through this lens can be eye-opening and push you toward taking a step in the right direction.
Taking this lesson to its logical conclusion then, there is nothing that you would rather be doing than reading this blog post. If there were something that better fit with your true priorities, preferences and motivations in this moment, you would be doing that instead.
So, now that you’re done reading, let me ask this:
What will you do next?
Comments
3 Responses to “There’s nothing you’d rather be doing”
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I have to say, I disagree. The idea that I can’t have multiple wants and desires that conflict, especially with regard to short and long-term goals, seems to oversimplify human psychology. I regularly sacrifice short-term wants for the promise of long-term goals. I really want a surround sound system to go with my new TV, but I simply can’t afford it right now without dipping dangerously into my savings. So I have conflicting desires: a good surround-sound system versus the desire to maintain financial stability for my family. The former is far more enticing and immediate, but the latter is far more important.
“But,” you might retort, “if you REALLY wanted the surround sound system, you’d get it. The fact that you aren’t right now purchasing a surround sound system is evidence that you don’t REALLY want it. It’s not your true motivation.” Fair enough. The problem there is that this particular theory of motivation becomes unfalsifiable (i.e. there are no conditions under which it would be false, hence it cannot be tested and thus cannot be verified). It is an empty theory.
If the lesson is a sort of “be here now” type of thing, that’s fine, but there’s a better way to get to that lesson than this particular route, which seems lovely at first glance, but ends up saying very little (if anything) about how human beings actually work.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment.
I agree that people have multiple wants and desires, often in conflict. In your example, I’m not saying that you don’t REALLY want the surround sound system. You are opting to maintain financial stability because that is a higher priority for you. The point of the story is that you should not lament the fact that you would rather buy the surround sound system than maintain financial stability, because it’s not true.
In a nutshell, I am trying to create awareness that how we choose to spend our time (and money) reflects what we truly value. If we don’t like what we see in that reflection, then we should choose to act instead in accordance with the priorities by which we want to live and work.
Heather,
I think that particular lesson is certainly a valuable one and I agree with it. Our actions, over the long-run, are the best indicators of what we truly value, or at the very least, the values we are capable of having at the moment. For instance, in my teaching days, I had a number of students who professed that they valued acquiring a liberal arts education, though their actions indicated otherwise. But I couldnt’ determine one way or another based on one action or choice, such as the choice to attend class on one particular evening. That determination occurred over the course of the semester, looking at the sum total of their choices: did the student attend class regularly? If not, did he or she attempt to make up the time lost? Did the student take advantage of office hours? Was the student prepared for class if he or she attended? Over the course of the semester, a student’s actions provided far more insight into their value of acquiring an education than their vigorous and determined claims about their values.
I guess the claim I’m making, and the basic critique I’m making of the original story, is that rarely does a single action reveal the true motivation or value that an individual has (unless it’s in extreme cases, where someone takes a bullet for a friend or tells the truth, despite extremely unpleasant consequences). Often, we must determine the values we truly hold over the long haul, in a series of actions and decisions.
So I agree with the lesson that you derive from your story. But my concern was that the lesson would be oversimplified if the story contained an oversimplified theory or idea of how action reveals motivation. The recent book, “How We Decide,” by Jonah Lehrer, is a really good explanation of the complexities of human decision-making, relative to motivations. And it’s far more complex than a one-to-one relationship. Maybe the lesson, then, is for someone to make a list of what he or she claims to value, then keep a journal of one’s actions. Then, over the long-run, what that person truly values will be revealed in the pattern of his or her actions. Does the original list match up with the pattern of actions? I bet he or she (or I, for that matter) would be very surprised at the result. I would probably discover that I value TV and video games far more than I care to admit.
Thanks for your response!